Hi stranger!

I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve taken the time to sit down and write. But I’ve been actually living my life via real world!!! Crazy, right?! And I’m not sorry.

I honestly had no idea .2 seconds ago what I was going to write about as I’m sitting here in this local coffee shop but typing that last sentence just virtually punched me in the face. During my absence of this blog I have grown SO much. And as cliche and bloggerish as that sounds, it’s the truth. I feel like I’m not even remotely the same girl who was sitting in this exact same seat, in this local coffee shop, blogging about summer staples of 2019. I don’t know if this wave of ‘idgaf’ comes with your 20’s, (hi, I’m 20 now), or if I’m just shedding off the bullshit of everything I’ve endured this past winter, or more broad, my teenager years, but this is a wave I never want to crash and reach shore.

I was sitting in my bed last night at 9:30 p.m. on a Friday (by which just the fact that I’m not crawling into bed at 1:00 a.m. shows growth all in itself) but anyway, I was reading my book “It’s Not Supposed to be This Way” and I literally felt as though I was reading a chapter that I had written to myself. I wasn’t. All credit to Lisa Terkeurst. But the contrast and similarity was through the roof.

Side note: To give a little background, Lisa wrote this book after her husband after 25 years left her for someone else and her whole world shifted. This book is not about marriage but about what lessons she has learned throughout life, how faith was waved but restored, and essentially the struggles of being a human. Highly reccomend.

This chapter I was reading in particular was called “Tan Feet.” Basically to sum up the chapter, someone made a comment to her about her feet being tan and she didn’t know if that was a compliment or a slight nudge to figure out if she had washed her feet lately. Without overthinking it she replied, “when your life doesn’t require shoes, your feet get tan.” They exchanged a nervous laugh and went their separate ways. But then she looked down at her feet and the capture of a good moment sunk in. It wasn’t this crazy sign of healing or an award for survival, just a good, simple moment. Simplicity. She had stood in the sun long enough without the presentation of dressing up to get her feet tan. She then says, “and that’s when it occurred to me that if you get desperate enough you’ll go all in with living slow for a while. You’ll quiet down all the outside noise.” And that is the best way I can describe my absence. I’ve been living slow. A season of simplicity.

I am 100% not a simple person. I do not want a simple, suburban lifestyle. I do not want a simple house with a simple 9-5 job. I do not want a simple story. Me and simple are not compatible. BUT, what I have come to learn in this season of my life is that simplicity does not have to mean settling. Simplicity is my morning routine with my fruit, hot lemon water, and Jesus. Simplicity is going outside to feel the air on my skin and see the sun in the sky instead of checking the weather app on my phone. Simplicity is calling my mom at 4:00 p.m. on the dot every Monday and Tuesday to eagerly tell her what I did at my internship that day. Simplicity is the butterflies that enter my heart when a church full of people sing worship songs at max volume on Sundays. Simplicity is seeing my sister get a new piece of clothing she loves for her clothing store. Simplicity is ALSO having a real and vulnerable conversation with Megan about future event planner Meg working for Kanye. And driving through downtown Austin and visualizing one of my PR firms placed on the corner next to the 4 Seasons. And having that “wow this is really my life. fall semester Lindsey, just keep hanging on, you have NO idea what God is brewing up” thought while leaving my internship that I love.

I’ve been living quiet and simple. And most importantly, I haven’t been sorry for it. For so long I was apologizing for staying in instead of going out because I knew I wouldn’t make it to church the next day. I was apologizing for wanting to take Instagram pictures when that is one of my favorite ways to be creative. I was apologizing internally for not wanting to associate with people who weren’t good for me anymore solely because at one time they were. But I’m actually not sorry. I don’t feel the need to give my energy to people who don’t have my best interest. I don’t care if I’m sitting by myself every Sunday in church. I’m slowly starting to pick up a book instead of my remote. I’m training myself to open up my devotional app instead of Instagram. I would rather 2 friends who want me to prosper and encourage my dreams instead of 10 who encourage me to my face and doubt me behind my back. I’m just ranting at this point but these are all the changes I’ve made and are making and I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

Typing out “and I’m not sorry” at the beginning of this post was my ‘tan feet’ realization.

I’ve just been being me. Cutting out the background noise. And I’m still working on being even simplier because the more simple I make my life, the more me I become. My actions and thoughts more intentional, my relationships more nurtured, and my life more fulfilled.

If you have been feeling like you give too much of yourself to people who don’t reciprocate it, or you want to be more intentional with your time and life, or you feel like you are still searching for your “people,” or all of the above, this is your sign. Simplify your life. Start to live quietly and what and who really matters will become your main focus.

But I’m back!!! I am so inspired and motivated to post regularly and be sooooooooo open and share everything I can 🙂 But I’m not sorry I’ve been gone. I was tanning.