Oh, 2018. A year of tears, doubt, and confusion..but also a year of growth, purpose, and identity. I’ve learned more this past year than I have my 19 years combined. I thought I would share a little bit of the knowledge my experiences have taught me and what I’ve taken away from the most challenging year I’ve experienced thus far.
- It’s okay not to have my shit together.
I vividly remember being 9/10 years old and thinking high schoolers were such grown ups..and people in college.. they were adults with houses and families. Little did I know that is not the case at all. I have always looked at your 20’s, which I am approaching faster than I’d like to, a period of life where you are supposed to know your purpose, your plan, and have be half way there already. I am quickly figuring out that every person my age used to think that too and we feel a sense of panic now that we haven’t gotten there yet..but that’s okay!! Being a 20 year old in today’s time is different than being a 20 year old 20 years ago. My life just got started and although I have no idea what I’m doing, I have plenty of time to figure it out.
2. It is okay to be selfish.
I am a people pleaser 100%. That is both a blessing and a curse I’ve come to realize. This past year has put it into perspective that selfishness isn’t always a bad thing and I need to be selfish more often. I don’t have to say yes to everything and everyone if I want to say no and it is completely okay to take time for myself. This season of my life, especially during your 20’s, is a season of selfishness and figuring myself out. I don’t have to feel guilty for putting my wants and needs before others and doing what is essential for me to become the person I need to be.
3. I am not meant for everyone.
This might be the biggest lesson 2018 taught me, and most definitely the hardest. Like I said, I’m a people pleaser. In a perfect world, everyone likes me, everyone has good opinions of me, and everyone has the same heart as I do. Well, hello, wake up call, Lindsey! We don’t live in a perfect world. This year I harshly learned that not everyone I care for will care for me at an equal extent. Not everyone God brings into my life is permanent. And not everyone has the same intentions that I do. Despite the tears and pain involved while learning this lesson, I am so grateful for every bit of it because I know God has a purpose for every person I cross paths with, whether they are seasonal or permanent. I know His intentions are wholesome and useful. I had to learn to love the people who weren’t meant for me and seasonal, just as Jesus loved the people who did Him wrong and hurt Him.
4. I am in control of my happiness.
If you read my past blog post about finding myself again, you would had read about the funk I was in and the struggle I had getting out of it. I let everything around me dictate my happiness and mood, until finally I had to take a step back and pinpoint the source of the problem which was myself. I learned that I was unhappy because I was putting myself in unhappy situations. I was hanging around people who would suck the happiness right out of me. I have now come to realize, I am in control of my joy. The people I surround myself with, the things I do, and my intentions of my doings all have to be things that make me better and make me grow. It seems like such a simple concept until you question if you are truly doing that for yourself.
5. I’m filthy rich.
Do I have all the name brand clothes? No. Do I have a steady, sufficient income? Nope. Can I buy everything I want? Sure can’t. And still, I am filthy rich. This year, as I stated, was a tough one, and I did take some losses but, most importantly I gained so much gratitude for the things I have. I have parents who would go to the ends of the earth for me, my brother, and my sister. I have friends that love me and accept me for me. I have a healthy body and healthy family members. I have a roof over my head that my parents most graciously allow me to never have to worry about. I have a God that loves me unconditionally. The blessings and riches I have in my life go on and on and I really couldn’t be more grateful and humbled to be so rich in love.
6. I am perfect.
It seems we are always told that it is okay if we mess up or veer off the path or have flaws about ourselves because we aren’t perfect..we’re human. This year I have come to realize, that statement isn’t really accurate at all. In Genesis 1:27 it quite literally says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them”. God created me, you, and everyone else on the planet in HIS IMAGE. He loves us so much that He wants us to be just like Him. It also states in Matthew 5:48, ” You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”. Does this mean we won’t sin and do imperfect things? Of course not. But in the eyes of God, we are perfect and made in his image. So, does it get more perfect than that?
7. It’s okay to be different.
This saying is so cliché but, I’ve never had to really deal with it until this past year. I have really started to figure out my style, my passions, and what my jam is and come to find out, it’s not like everyone else jam. I like to express myself through fashion but, sometimes I hold myself back in that department because I don’t want to look goofy or different than the typical crop top/ ripped jeans trend. I am proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone for as much as I have thus far but, I am still working on the confidence in being different than everyone around me. Being like everyone else is boring anyways.
8. Everything I need is already within me.
Let’s end on a deep, but yet, the truest lesson that I thankfully learned in 2018. I have always had a passion for pictures, writing, editing, etc. But I never thought that really mattered..how was I going to do anything with those passions that meant anything? It wasn’t until I was put into my digital media class, the reason this blog was started, that I realized the potential I have just by doing the things I love. I love to write.. I have the gift of putting my thoughts into words. I love editing.. I have an easy comprehension of video and picture editing and making it entertaining. This year I realized I am capable of doing the things I’ve always wanted to do.. I just have to find the confidence to do them. The tools I need are already within me, I just have to put them to use.
2018 was the year of finding myself and conquering things I thought I couldn’t. 2019 will be the year of enjoying and loving myself. I want to continue this blog even being out of my digital media class and continue implementing my passions into things I can efficiently express myself though. Here is to the lessons and trials of 2018 and on to the growth and trials 2019 will bring. I’m so excited.