Finding Me Again

Hi, me again. This post, as you can probably tell by the title, is going to be a bit more on the serious side..which is an accurate reflection of what my life has been like these past three months. Have you ever been in that “funk“? The “funk” that feels like you aren’t enough, your clueless as to what the heck your purpose in this world is, nobody is on your side, nobody understands you, and you’re just plain alone? Yeah, that was me for 3 months. I would have about one happy, high point a day, if I was lucky, and the rest of the days seemed to decline and decline further and further. I woke up each day unmotivated, unhappy, and just going through the motions, counting down the hours until I could crawl back in bed and not have to socialize or put on a happy face for anyone. It took my best friend/roommate’s concern and comfort to wake me up from the fog I had been living in.

When you are in this position, it is easy to put the blame on things and people as to what is causing you to be in this “funk,” but when it all boils down to it, you are the only person to blame. Every being on this earth is in charge of their own happiness and it’s solely up to you to ensure you are surrounding your life with people, things and vibes that make your soul happy and free. I am so thankful for the “funk ” that brought me to such an uncomfortable place. It took rock bottom to show me that I am so deserving to experience the top. My worth and strength is not measured by what someone else does or does not see in me, how weak my anxiety is making me feel, or what negative emotions I’m feeling in that moment.

It’s November 13th, 2018 and in just three months time, I am in a better place than I’ve been in a very long time. I think going through this rough patch what a learning experience more than anything. It is so clear to me now how important it is to take care of yourself and give the very best of you that you have to each day that comes. There are not enough days in this life to spend one being unkind, unhappy, or unproductive. I am stronger than I have been in a long time and it took a period of feeling alone to finally enjoying my own company again. I do not always have good days, I am not the most confident person in the world, I do not always make the best decisions, but I am happy. I am happy because I know what it is like to be at the bottom and feel nothing. So now, I’m dedicating the rest of this year to feeling everything. Spending every moment I can with the people who bring me back to earth and remind me I am loved even when I get in the funkiest of funks.



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